__ Monday, March 31, 2008 ;

i really want to move on

i yearn so much to be free

but somehow

the shadows of the past keep invading my mind

the hurts

the pain

the disappointments

the rejections

the loneliness

the memories are still so alive

can i really be set free

sigh

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 3:34 PM ;

__ Saturday, March 29, 2008 ;

I am so stressed now. I can't find any inspiration to write my Islam essay. Argh! I'm so frustrated I feel like crying.

Been feeling really down these few days. Will I ever see light in my life? Am I destined to live in darkness and emptiness all the time?

When one has experienced too many rejections, one will gradually start to lose hope. And soon, one will plunge into the pool of dejections and self-destruction.

Sadly, no one can understand.

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 10:52 PM ;

__ Friday, March 28, 2008 ;

Have you ever tried walking along a crowded street,

yet feel so lonely and empty in your heart...

It's as though you're all alone in this world.

Why is life always full of uncertainties?

Just when you think that you've seen a glimmer of hope,

dark clouds have to emerge and cover that little ray of light.

I am tired.

I feel as if I am standing at the edge of a cliff.

I am struggling.

It's a fierce battle.

Between the sane and the insane

**
I am losing my grip.

I'm starting to give up.

And retreat into my own world.

Safe from the cruel and harsh realities.

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 10:16 PM ;

__ Tuesday, March 25, 2008 ;

The irony of life.

Each time I feel that my life has gradually turned for the better,

something bad has to happen.

Now, the news is devastating,

it's like a death sentence.

It's frightening,

I feel like I've fallen into a bottomless pit,

and I know not where I am heading.

I'm scared.

Will I be held captive for the rest of my life?

Do I really have to give up my dream of being a psychologist? :(

Dear God, You are my Only Hope.

Are You there?

If You are,

please answer me.

I really need You.

Super stressed now lah! I've got to rush out my paper on Personality Disorder before daylight. Oh my goodness! 2000+ words! How am I going to vomit out so many words? =X

Nervous ar! Going to get back statistics test later during the lecture. And my IMH report is coming back this Friday. Hoping for the best. :S

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 3:05 AM ;

__ Monday, March 24, 2008 ;

Celebrated WenXiu's birthday last Thursday with Karen and Xian Hui. Haha... Had dinner at Bento and went for coffee at Coffee Bean after that. Chatted with them till around 11+pm and went home. I really had fun that day. Certainly can't wait to have more of such meetings after exams! Heex... Anyway, WenXiu, hope you like the perfume! You're old le.... Hahaha :P

The next day, went for Good Friday service at church. Wenxiu and Theresa came too! We went to the baptism service because Georgia is getting baptised. Quite an experience! I wonder when it'll be my turn to be baptised... Hmmm...

Went for lunch with the church people after the service. I can't believe I'm actually one step closer to my dream of meeting my beloved Andy Lau. Hahaha.... I really hope Wyatt gets the chance to work with him again. Heex...

Sunday, went to Botanic Gardens after Easter service. Been ages since I last went there. Haha... Karen and I sat in Peter's car while the rest went on Wyatt's. Enjoyed myself there and it was a good break from all my studying. Haha... I think I've been taking up too many breaks. =X

Had fun :)

Woots... One more month to exams! OMG!

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 1:01 PM ;

__ Thursday, March 20, 2008 ;

Was surfing around Youtube and I saw a video of Sarah Brightman and Antonio Banderas in Phantom of the Opera. Woah! I didn't know Antonio Banderas can sing man! He's that cool guy from Legend of Zorro and Take the Lead. I remembered how I used to swoon over him when I watched his movies. Heex...

Go watch the video! SO NICE! (:

Sarah Brightman & Antonio Banderas - The Phantom of the Opera

Oh man, I must block Youtube in my computer. I've wasted so much time watching videos on it. Dots... =X

Skipped Islam tutorial today again. Heh... It was raining lar and I was lazy to go to school for just 1 hour. Typical laziness has gotten into me again. LOL!

Oh yah, got back my New Media and Social Work Mid-term results. I don't know whether I should be happy or not, cuz they didn't tell us the average scores for the cohort and I have no idea where I stand. Anyway, I'm satisfied. Can't bear to take back my Statistics results though. Have a bad feeling about it. =X

Back to my Malay Studies readings now. Heex... Jia You to everyone mugging! :)

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 12:12 PM ;

__ Wednesday, March 19, 2008 ;

Went Jurong Point today morning to hunt for Sarah Brightman's album! Yay... Finally I've bought it after many days of pondering. Fernando Lima's vocal is so mesmerizing lar! I've listened to his duet with Sarah Brightman for don't-know-how-many times already. Heex... Oh yah, I bumped into Pastor Bee Ngor at Jurong Point too! Singapore is so small... Heex...

Pasión

Sueñas con un amor
Puro, sin condición
Fuerte, eterno como el sol
Con el que se dibuja una pasión

Sueñas con un amor
Limpio, con devociónLibre, sacar las alas del corazón
Y Volar a dónde anida la pasión

La pasión, es como un viento inquieto
Que se convierte en libertad
Es saber que hay alguien más que vive
Deseando poderte encontrar
Es viajar sin miedo entre las estrellas y la inmensidad
Es atravesar el fuego, caminar sobre las aguas
Convertir un sueño en realidad
La pasión es ésa fuerza inmensa
Que mueve a toda la creación
Es saber que alguien te está esperando
Mas allá dónde se oculta el sol
Es borrar por siempre de tí la palabra soledad
Son dos almas que se unen llegando así a la eternidad

Nunca te faltará
Alguien en quien confiar

Un ángel que de la mano te llevará
A descubrir un mundo de pasión

Vives con un amor
Fuerte y sin condición
Libre y ponerle alas al corazón
Volar adónde anida la pasión

I don't understand a word of what they're singing. But it's really a nice song. I'm so obsessed with it now. Heex... ^^

P.S: Statistics is getting more fun nowadays! :)

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 7:54 PM ;

__ ;

I don't know since when,
but I realised I've not cried for a long time.
I hate to cry.
Tears never fail to make me feel vulnerable
and weak.
Everytime I feel sad,
I resist the urge to cry.
Perhaps that's why many say I'm a strong person.
But today,
I feel like crying.

Life certainly is ovewhelming.
I'm afraid I can't hold on for much longer.
Please save me, someone?

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 12:48 AM ;

__ Monday, March 17, 2008 ;

Oh my goodness. I heard this super powerful and nice song this morning. I'm so gonna buy Sarah Brightman's new album.

Go listen! It's really nice :)

Sarah Brightman & Fernando Lima - Pasión

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 9:13 PM ;

__ Sunday, March 16, 2008 ;

Went to do my hair yesterday with Karen at Kelly Concept. I love their service a lot! Heex.... Went to trim my hair, dyed and highlight. Cost me quite a lot eh. Oops... The change is not that obvious but I like it anyway cuz I don't see any ugly black roots now. =)

Church today. Karen didn't come because she was sick :( Went to eat lunch with Georgia, Peter, Wyatt and Lynn before cell starts. I can't believe Wyatt has met and worked with my beloved Andy Lau before. Oh man... I'm super duper x10000000 envious. Awww.... :(
Anyway, saw a terrifying-looking cat at the coffee shop. It almost touched me! Oh my goodness! Holy cow! I think I'll faint if I wasn't quick enough to run from the cat. Was so traumatized lar! =X
Anyway, cell was quite fun but I was really sleepy. I think I yawned for more than a dozen times for the 2 hours. Heh...
Went out with Pastor Bee Ngor after cell. Sat under a void deck with her to chat. She's really a nice lady, enjoyed talking to her... Heex...
Had a fun time at church today and I'm glad I did go despite feeling the temptation to skip service today because Karen wasn't going. Heh. (:

Next week is odd week again. Sigh! I hate odd weeks because most of my tutorials fall on odd weeks. Argh... I can only go home at 4pm on Monday and Tuesday. Have to endure for a few more weeks before tutorials will stop! Yay! But that means exams will be coming soon. Oh no.... =X

Alrighty... Got to start preparing my New Media tutorial now. Argh! I still hate New Media. Hmph! :(

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 9:08 PM ;

__ Thursday, March 13, 2008 ;

Finally, I've braved through my Mid-terms. Haha.... I don't want to know my results, because I have a feeling my grades will be like shit. =X

I've been quite happy because I went shopping the other day! Bought a bag from Espirit and a skirt from FOX. Heex... I love the feeling of going home with new things! :D

Went Orchard just now on my own to meet someone. Oh my goodness, I got lost along the way and had to ask for directions. It was so embarrassing lar! Imagine a Singaporean getting lost in the middle of Orchard Road... =.= Haha.... Anyway, I bought a bracelet from Guess! It's nice! But so sad, I meant it as a gift for someone. Feel so tempted to keep it for myself. Heh...

Had dinner with Esther yesterday at Westmall. Long time since I last went there.... Haha... Had a great time with her eating KFC.

Going to cut hair on Saturday with Karen. Excited! I feel like cutting my fringe but I'm worried it will turn out to be horrible. Hmmm....

Got to go now. Till then! :)

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 4:39 PM ;

__ Tuesday, March 11, 2008 ;

Grace is under tremendous stress now....
Assignments, mid term exams, projects, essays, experiments, readings....
Argh...
When will all these end?!?!?!

:(

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 12:02 AM ;

__ Sunday, March 09, 2008 ;

I drove alone yesterday night,
along the quiet and lonely streets of Jurong.
It's always when night falls
that I feel the tranquility of life.
Life,
what exactly is it?
I often wonder
what are the plans that God has for me in my life.
As I think of the past,
regrets and pain fill my heart.
Why did God put so many people in my life,
only to remove them in the end?
Why did He remove those who meant so much to me?
As more people come and go,
my heart hardens.
Tears cease to fall,
feelings become numb.
There will soon come a time when I feel emotions no more.

If I could turn back time, I'd not hesitate to tell you how much you meant to me.

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 4:38 PM ;

__ Friday, March 07, 2008 ;

After talking to Pastor yesterday,
I feel that sense of helplessness again.
I don't know why.
I really do appreciate her taking time to chat with me
but,
I don't know what to do.
I feel so lost and suffocated.
It's so easy to just fall back
into the world of self-destruction.
Perhaps, life would be lighter in that way.
I just want to escape.
I'm tired. I really am.

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 11:57 PM ;

__ ;

After 2 months into the year 2008, I finally broke my new year resolution. LOL... Didn't attend Islam tutorial yesterday because I overslept! Thank goodness nothing much was covered in the tutorial. But I had to go to school to submit my assignment which was due yesterday. Dotx... Waste my time. -_-" Chatted with Shien while I was on the way to church to meet Pastor Bee Ngor. Hahaha... I really missed my primary school days even though the teachers sucked. Catching tadpoles, table tennis competitions, sneaking out to the mama shops, going over to friends' house to play..... Those were the days.... Sigh... I don't want to grow up. :(

I wish my life is not so hectic and packed. So I can do activities that I really enjoy doing. Haiz.... I've not had supper with Ah Bao for a loooooonnnnnng time. I really miss those times out at S11 eating stingray. And I've not gone shopping for like don't-know-how-long already. I do go to town sometimes but it's for the sake of project meetings and not shopping! :( Anyway, I've came up with a list of things that I'm going to do for the 3-month vacation. Heh... So that I can keep myself sane and optimistic about my current life. Wahaha...

1. Cycle!
2. Supper with Ah Bao!
3. Shopping!
4. Read story books!
5. Bring my brother out to play!
6. Meet up with friends!
7. Find a temp job!

Sounds fun. I really can't wait for exams to be over! =)

May not be blogging that often now because of the tremendous workload I'm having now. I've not even started on my readings for Mental Health module. My gosh... =X

Till then.

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 2:50 PM ;

__ Wednesday, March 05, 2008 ;

It's going to be 4am and I'm still awake trying to finish that damn-ed Statistics assignment. I seriously have no idea what the hell the questions are talking about. Been trying to figure out what they mean since hours ago and I've not made any findings yet. ARGH! I've got to submit it by Friday morning and I'm so dead now. Oh my gosh! =X

There seem to be never-ending amount of work that I've got to submit and time is running out. I'm so frightened and stressed now. =(

Thank goodness my lecture starts at 4pm later in the afternoon.

Sigh....

made another new promise ][-
and broke it again at 3:56 AM ;