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__ Thursday, March 29, 2007 ;

Brought Pei Ling and her brother, Harry, to Mcdonald's yesterday night. I really adore the siblings. They grew up in such a terrible family yet they still found joy in every simple thing. I admire them because I do not be able to have that innocence and contentment that they have. I will really miss them when I leave Lakeside.

I saw you again. The more I want to avoid you, the more I see you around. 3 years gone, and my heart is still aching each time I think of you. I really want to tell someone but I can't. My feelings for you are so precious I want to keep it a secret, between you and me. I miss those days. I truly miss them. I've been searching... for someone to replace you but, it seems that you have already sealed your place in my heart permanently. For now, the knife is my best friend.

The new advertisement encouraging people to quit smoking is utterly gross. I was watching a midnight show on TV the other day when the advertisement was aired. That woman looked like a monster talking. Ok lah, don't mean to be rude but it's really what I thought. Gave me such a scare that I had nightmare that night. It will really have a huge psychological impact for smokers when they see it. Don't understand why people started smoking in the first place. It's so unglam and stinky. Yucks.

Gotta go bathe now.

made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 9:39 AM ;

 

__ Monday, March 26, 2007 ;

Took leave today. Since Karen is not going to work and my legs hurt like mad from yesterday's walking, I decided not to work today. The boss sounded quite pissed when I called her. Haiz... Honestly, I don't bother anymore.

Went to town with WenXiu yesterday. We went to Heeren first to meet her friend at a bazaar held at Balcony. The things sold there were nice but, the prices were way too high. Apart from Heeren, we went to Wistma, Far East Plaza, and Plaza Singapore. Bought a necklace from Forever 21 and a shirt from 77th Street. We ate at an eatery in Far East Plaza for dinner. I ordered pork ribs ramen and WenXiu beef ramen. We also ordered steamed dumplings. The food tasted real delicious and it was cheap too! Great to go shopping after being so stressed up at work. Hee...


I feel mixed up. Sometimes I get so happy and excited but suddenly unpleasant memories seem to haunt my mind and spoil my mood. They seem to be reminding me that I should not feel happy after all that have happened. I always end up feeling so guilty for being happy. Sigh! What the hell is wrong with me? I think I'm going bonkers soon. Heck.


Oh well... I guess there're still many things to look forward to in life especially when there are so many good friends in my life. So thankful to God for all of them. =)

Karen. The first friend I ever had when I entered secondary school. So glad we remained as close throughout the years even though we were classmates only for the first 2 yrs. Xian Hui. Surprised we became so close. Going to college is fun because she goes to school with me. Been to her house like more than a dozen times but I don't feel unwelcomed at all. Hahas!
Lorna. The oldest friend I ever had. Keke.. =P I'm ever so thankful to Pastor Shih Ming for introducing her into my life. I'd have given up on life long ago if not for her. She is one crazy person too. Hahas...

Last but not least, my brother! He's the one reason why I'm still hanging on right now.

Alrites, these are just some of the many favourite people in my life. I'd put up all my friends' photos if I had the time. But now, guess I'll stop here.

God works miracles. Now I believe. =)


made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 11:17 PM ;

 

__ Monday, March 19, 2007 ;

What the heck. I wrote such a long entry with lots of photos and all of them went to waste when my laptop disconnected. Argh! Wasted my time. Now I've got no mood to post the photos that I took during the outing to West Coast Park last Friday already lah. Irritating.

I'm so happy that I finally managed to do vertical and parallel parking without hitting down any poles! I was really excited this morning during my driving lessons; my instructor must have thought that I'm crazy because I was smiling to myself throughout the rest of the lesson. Haha.

Was a tiring day at work with a lot of difficult kids. I really need a lot of patience and love for them man. If not one day I'm really going to scream and spout vulgarities at them. They refused to do their homework despite me nagging and shouting at them for the whole afternoon and now their parents are blaming me for not supervising their kids?! What the heck.

My skin is so itchy now. Must be the seafood that I ate yesterday night at Turf City. Darn. Shall stop writing and go concentrate on scratching that patch of skin.

Blog again soon. =)

made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 9:13 PM ;

 

__ Tuesday, March 13, 2007 ;

Outing to Sembawang Park today! Karen and I were in charge of 13 primary 2 kids. I was so happy to get my favourite kids in my group! Heex... Took quite a lot of photos today... These are some of my favourite..

I've always hated the beach, watching the waves hit the shore makes me sad. I feel so small and insignificant as compared to the vast sea. I think I'm mad lar...


We look so small in the picture... Haha...


Having fun with Ping Chew and "Professor Hu"... LOL!


Such a lovely boy!

One of my favourite Primary 4 kid in my study group.


The Primary 1 kids having fun on the sand pit. Aren't they adorable? Heex...



He's so cute! The older brother of the Thai twins. =P

Had a fun day today. I'm so happy that school holidays are here once again. But too bad, it's only for a week. Really miss the Nov/Dec school holidays where I went for so many outings with the children. Can't wait for the West Coast Park outing on Friday!

Was reading this blog: http://blog.yam.com/imissmama. It's about a girl missing her mom who passed away recently. In order not to forget her, the girl wrote to her mom daily on the blog. It's very touching and saddening to read her posts. Life is fragile and vulnerable. One day you're here, the other day you might be gone. I feel so much for that girl. Haish...

Read a report on the newspaper yesterday that mentioned that 25% of Singapore teens are facing mental problems like schizophrenia and hallucinations. Experts said that this alarming statistic was brought about by the increasing stress level among Singaporeans. I personally know someone who was recently diagnosed with chronic schizophrenia. It's sad to see someone just waste her life away because of a mental illness. I yearn to be a psychologist to help as many people as possible.

Need to clear the clutter of notes in my room now. Darn.


made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 8:00 PM ;

 

__ Saturday, March 10, 2007 ;

After visiting NTU's open house with Xian Hui today, I've decided. Yes, it will be NTU's Psychology. Though NUS may be a better brand name, I prefer NTU's system and it's a direct 4-year honours course. Yup, unless tomorrow's NUS open house impresses me so much, I guess my choice will be NTU for now.

Went to Bukit Panjang Plaza after the open house to walk walk since it was still early. Darn, I should just boycott the whole shopping centre. Everytime I go there, memories of you never fail to flow back into my mind. Though it's been years, I still feel the hurt inside me. I wish I can just numb myself by ______. Apparently, it doesn't work anymore.
I miss you so very much.

made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 1:49 AM ;

 

__ Friday, March 09, 2007 ;

I thought it would be easy to stop, I was so wrong. I've done the first step, but the next few steps were not easy. I couldn't do it.

I feel like a total failure.

made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 2:49 AM ;

 

__ Saturday, March 03, 2007 ;

Results are out! Here's the verdict:

Maths - A
Econs - A
Physics - D
General Paper - B3

I'm so surprised and happy I actually passed all! Econs is my pride, I really treasure the A that God has given me. I still remember how much I hated Econs when I was in year 1. Everything changed when I was transferred to S31 and Mr Seah became my Econs tutor. He gave me consultation once a week and he was so encouraging towards me. I'm also very happy about my Physics. I've never passed any Physics exam throughout the 2nd year of college. I'm serious, never. It's truly by the grace of God that I'm able to pass :)

College life has been full of ups and downs. I'm so glad that I can graduate with decent grades. Still remember few months back when I sat for my A level examinations, my father passed away after 2 years of battle with lung cancer. It was really hard having to sit for my papers during the funeral. I nearly wanted to give up and just retake another year. It's all because of God that I'm able to get the results that I have now. Without Him, I'm sure I won't be able to pass all my subjects. Without Him, I'm sure I won't even have the courage to sit for any papers. I'm so touched and happy the moment I saw my grades. God has not forsaken me despite the fact that I have been refusing to pray to Him for many months.

There're tons of people whom I want to thank(in no particular order):

JJC -
Ms Amy Toh
Mr Seah
Ms Chew
Mr Steven Wu
Ms Eleen Tan
Ms Yew
My classmates
WenXiu
Juan Juan
Fleur

Church -
Lorna (I know you'll read this :))
Cynthia
Pastor Shih Ming
Pastor Lynette
Aunty Janice and all who have prayed for me

Long time friends -
Karen
Xian Hui
JiaXing

GP tuition teacher -
Ms Ushar Kumar from Pioneer JC (many, many thanks to you for your help!)

Most importantly, I want to thank God and my dad.
I'd be the happiest person on earth if he was still around.

Psychology or Economics? NTU or NUS?

made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 9:45 PM ;

 

__ Friday, March 02, 2007 ;

Went to Karen's house just now with Xian Hui after work. We went to Jurong Point to buy Vodka to bring back to her house. Ordered Canadian Pizza to eat while watching a movie which my beloved Andy Lau acted in. So happy to watch his movie! Heehee... Realised that I always feel hungry few hours after consuming alcohol. So weird... I should feel sleepy I thought? Haha... Oh well, am eating a Carlifornia handroll now while blogging. So nice... lol.

Getting very random now.

Results will be out in less than 24 hours. I hope that no matter what happens, I'll be able to take it lightly and commit everything to God. It's been a long time since I last prayed to Him. Has He given up on me? I hope not. I don't wish to give up on my faith too. I'm really nervous now. It's like, within a day, my future will be fixed. Whether I pass or fail, whether I need to spend another year in college, whether I'll get to qualify for university, it'll all be confirmed later in the afternoon. I'm so worried I can't sleep.

Argh. Better go lie down on my bed, I really need some sleep for work tomorrow morning. tata.

May I dream of my beloved Andy and not results tonight. Sweet dreams =)

made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 12:28 AM ;

 

__ Thursday, March 01, 2007 ;

1 more day to Doomsday. Am going to Karen's house later after work for some drinks and dinner. My last day of fun and laughter. HAHA.

I dreamt of him last night. Look at him, who can ever resist such a guy like him? LOL.. Feel like killing myself for not going to see him when he came to town last November. Argh!



made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 10:11 AM ;