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__ Sunday, October 28, 2007 ;

I've been feeling very disturbed about my spiritual life lately. It's been quite some time since I went for churh services and yet I do not feel any bit of guilt. I attend crusade meetings but I do not feel any passion at all. The main reason why I continue attending is because I feel obligated to them. I do enjoy meeting up with Grace and Elaine and the other year 1s but I don't look forward to the worship sessions. I dread prayer sessions and I find reading the bible totally boring. Can you believe it? All these statements are coming from a self-professed Christian. I must have been the lousiest and most sinful Christian on earth.

I can really feel myself drifting further and further away from God and yet, I do not find it worrying at all. And this is in fact worrying. I'm actually disturbed and vexed because I'm so apathetic with the fact that I'm backsliding.

Come to think of it, I've accepted Christ since I was in Primary school but I've never put in much effort to know God and to grow in God's word. I've attended Faith Methodist for almost 3 years but I still feel so out-of-place whenever I'm in service or some prayer meetings.

Am I a Christian because I truly love a God who sent His son to die on the cross for our sins, or am I a Christian because I've been following blindly to what the teachers have been teaching me since young?

Can I even call myself a Christian in the first place?

made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 8:11 PM ;