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__ Saturday, September 24, 2005 ;

What I can look forward to after the exams :
Corpse Bride
The Myth
Dukes of Hazzard
East Coast
Sakae Sushi
Shopping

Wah...So many attractive stuffs after the exam. Simply can't wait. But first, I have to mug even harder now to enjoy later. Study break has started and I really have to study hard to prevent myself from retaining in J1 next year.

Will be back after Oct 6th. Till then...

made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 10:07 AM ;

 

__ Tuesday, September 20, 2005 ;

Thought about a lot of things during PW tutorial today since there wasn't anything to do. Thought about you. How I wished you were still by my side now. At least I won't be afraid even if the whole world turn against me. I really have no motivation to study hard now. Without you, nothing seems to be meaningful to me anymore. I hate going to school, I hate studying, I hate waking up every morning feeling depressed, I hate life... Seriously... I don't even feel like talking anymore. I just want to hide in my little hole and live a lonely life. I'm tired.... Physically and mentally exhausted... Really tired le... I want to give up, leave all these miseries and troubles behind and run away. I have no more energy... You're gone, Lao Niu is leaving, I'm on the verge of retaining, someone close to me is dying,... I see no hope in the future...

Dear God, please give me the strength to continue fighting on...

made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 8:16 PM ;

 

__ Sunday, September 18, 2005 ;

Just came back from church. The message Pastor Shih Ming delivered was meaningful even though I was nearly asleep most of the time lahz...hahas... Was very tired lo... Slept at 2am in the morning and woke up at 7am. Am burning out soon le... Haish..I wish exams are over now and it's holiday already. How I very much hope for that to happen. I hate and dread school so much... Anyway, I seriously have to thank those people who made my life terrible because they brought me closer to God. I hope I'm not wrong in saying that I'm a much stronger person now. I don't cry often now and I've learnt to take things in my stride. Oh well, I really do hope things will get better next year. If not, I really don't know how I'm going to work hard for A levels.

Haish... Don't feel like going to school tomorrow. But, I don't think Mr Mak will accept my excuse again bahx... Sianz diao... Maybe I shall delibrately be late and skip Econs Tutorial... I can't stand that teacher manz. Not that she has been picking on me, but I really don't like her. Or perhaps I should say that I'm fearful of her. She sounds so evil most of the time... argh... I don't want to talk about her... bleahx...

Exams are coming in a week time... I guess I won't be blogging until the exams are over. Wish me luck! I really don't want to retain...

made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 4:29 PM ;

 

__ Saturday, September 17, 2005 ;

Didn't blog for quite some time. Was very busy with school work and preparing for exams. Haish... Have been sleeping after 12 midnight almost everyday. I don't think I can take it anymore. Fell sick yesterday night man. Just hope I will be able to survive until after the Promos. *prays*

Yesterday was quite slack in school. Had Physics and Maths Lecture, then PW tutorial and lastly Chinese tutorial. Did compo for Chinese. Wrote crap all the way... I think I'll fail terribly. After school, had to wait for Ms Chew until 4pm before the session starts. Sian diao... Tried doing some work in the concourse but just couldn't concentrate lahz.. What the hell am I doing man... Haish... The session ended at 5.45pm then had to rush over to JP to meet Xian Hui. Hahas... Walked around for a while then went back to school for the Mid-Autumn Celebration. Quite boring and not worth my money man. Mdm Liu Fen's baby is so cute sia. Feel like playing with him and pinching his cheeks...hahas... I love babies man...

I'm really stressed up now. Promos are killing me... I'm worried I'll retain next year. I might as well quit school and work if I fail my Promos. Sometimes, I really feel like killing myself man. Life is tiring and I want to just fly away to somewhere where happiness is eternal.. Haish... but not to worry, I will not kill myself. A pastor told me , " the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, destroying it by suicide is destroying the temple." No matter how tough the journey of life is now, I will not give up. I promise you, I will stand again and fight against all the obstacles. Believe me...

*9 more months before you'll be back* I'm missing you each and every day...

made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 4:29 PM ;

 

__ Thursday, September 08, 2005 ;

Met up with Mrs Soh in the morning at Delifrance for breakfast. It has certainly been a long time ever since I last met her. Haish... Time has passed so quickly... I really can't believe it. Talked about school work, family and other stuffs. Caused me to think back about the past and those happy moments in Secondary School. It really saddens me a lot to think that all these will only remain as part of my memories. How I wish to return to the past...

After that, went to school to meet Mr Mak. Went through Gravitation and a bit of Forces and Kinematics. Promos are coming so quickly... Less than 3 weeks. I really gotta buck up and study harder. I cannot afford to fail again. Haish... Sometimes I really wonder whether I've made the right choice in choosing to come to college. Perhaps Poly is a better alternative for me? I really don't know... Life seems to be so meaningless. Study revolves around me. Is life supposed to be like that? Shouldn't life be colourful, exciting and full of surprises?

Oh well... Have to go to school tomorrow for Maths Lecture and GP tutorial. Nothing can describe how devastating the thought of going to school is... Haish...

made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 5:18 PM ;

 

__ Tuesday, September 06, 2005 ;

Seeing you carry your lagguage,
walking towards the departure hall
without even turning back to look at me.
Am I such a nobody in your eyes?
Perhaps we weren't meant to be,
perhaps we shouldn't even have meet in the first place.
You came into my life bringing me hope and happiness,
and yet you left leaving behind all the miseries and sadness.
How I wish things were the same like before.
How I wish I could see you again.
You meant so much to me,
yet you left me without even saying goodbye.
I'd give anything in the world just to see you again...
I miss you so much...

School work is killing me... I feel so suffocated. I want to sleep and not wake up anymore... Life is meaningless...

made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 6:47 PM ;

 

__ Friday, September 02, 2005 ;

Very touched when I read what Ms Chew wrote. I promise I will study hard. For the sake of those who care for me, for the sake of you and for the sake of myself, I will work hard. I will not give up and torture myself again.

Another day is gone,
I'm still all alone.
How could this be?
You're not here with me.
You never said goodbye,
someone tell me why.
Did you have to go,
and leave my world so cold...

I would like to imagine that you're still by my side at present. You're my only motivation, my only hope in my life. Without you, I guess I'd already have given up totally.

Life is still beautiful huh. Since God gave me life, I guess only He will have the rights to take it back. I will not do anything foolish de. Ok, will not be blogging so much now. I shall concentrate on my studies and will return after the Promos.

Till then...

made another new promise ][-
 and broke it again at 7:28 PM ;